From A Child’s Perspective, Not A Parent’s

I’m a big fan of  I find her comments witty and insightful, even if I am not a parent (see my last post on why, thankfully, I am not reproducing ).  I actually stumbled upon her blog by Twitter.  One of the various gay news (I believe it was @gaymarriagewatc if you’re interested) mentioned this pro-gay marriage post, written by a guest blogger, my girl @SaraPlaysHouse.  Here’s the article, if you’re interested; I’ll wait.

Then today another guest blogger wrote on keeping the gays away from her children, essentially.  Again, I want you to read it because this is the part I want to discuss.

I see the commenters discussing this from a parent’s point of view.  Of course, this is expected because this is essentially a mothering/parenting blog, the very nature of your followers will be as such.  I’d like to discuss the ramifications of such views on the kids that they are “protecting.”

I read her post and what she was describing as their home life was nearly identical to mine (except for the no tv part.  That’s just cruel).  I could close my eyes and imagine my mom baking chocolate chip cookies on Friday nights and her slapping my wrists as I try to steal some delicious dough (seriously, as an aside, it’s just wrong to cook cookie dough.  It’s meant to be eaten raw/frozen), going to church every Wednesday/Sunday (Never.  Missed.  One.), having story time before bed and reading over Bible stories, praying nightly, the whole shebang.  I was raised in a very conservative home, I’ll leave the rest to your imagination.

When I came out to my parents when I was around 16 (well, they found some porn on the computer of the gay persuasion..opps), it was a mildly traumatic experience.  I was tossed around to my youth pastor (one of the most humiliating experiences in my life, btw) and various councilors, trying to figure out what was wrong with me and how to fix me.  I was a broken, immoral queer and I needed to be cleansed.  You have no idea how many times I wanted my life to end because I was made wrong.  Have you ever felt like that?  Believing in a deity that made you wrong?  You knew that you couldn’t help who and what you were, so the God that you’ve worshiped diligently your whole life Made.  You.  Wrong.

So, here I am today, a 29+1 year old queer in the middle of a cornfield, surrounded by people such as this.  I can tell you that it did get better though.  I know that my family loves and supports me.  I know that my father believes I’m still a sinner and that God doesn’t approve of me, but it’s ok (?  I know, contradiction for the win…but however he needs to sell it to himself).  I know that my brother is accepting of me and I even work with him.  I know that, if it wasn’t for me, my family wouldn’t be accepting of gays, at all.

But it’s because of this broken queer that I fixed my family because I’m a proud, gay man in a stable relationship with the man that I love for nearly 9 years.  They see that I’m happy, that I’m not immoral, and that I’m capable of loving someone of the same sex.  It’s because of me and people like me that, hopefully, this cycle of hatred will not be continued.

Stand up and be proud, queers.  Speak with a loud, determined voice, showing those that wish to reject us of basic human rights that we are not broken.

We are just human beings, wanting to be loved.


19 responses to “From A Child’s Perspective, Not A Parent’s

  1. Parents are deluding themselves if they think that blinding a child to how the world really is will make their children little clones of themselves.

    This line? ” We are just human beings, wanting to be loved.”

    Yes. YES.

  2. And I am just a human being trying to live the life outlined for me in the Bible by my creator. I don’t agree with you, but I love you.

    • I’m not asking you to agree with me. It’s a plea to any parent I can reach to not destroy your children like my parents almost did to me because they felt it was the right thing to do.

  3. Much love to you kadield!!




    Because that’s all I can muster up right now. What can I say? It’s been along day.

  5. YOU, are OK.

    Well, better than OK. You are loved.


  6. Pingback: Gay is OK | A Whole Lot of Nothing

  7. Absolutely gorgeous. Your family is so, so lucky you helped them along. Thanks for standing up to say all of this.

    • It was…disgustingly rough. Many, many tears were shed along the journey. But to stop the spread of hate, it was worth it.

      ❤ all of you guys for the support.

  8. I don’t agree with your lifestyle, but love you anyways! ❤
    God bless you


  9. Not supporting a life style doesn’t equal ‘killing’ a child. Believing that lifestyle is a sin, doesn’t equal ‘killing’ either.

    • No, directly it doesn’t. But you’re talking about emotionally volatile teens generally when they come out. To add on to the fact of dealing with high school hell, puberty, you’re wanting to tell them that how they were made was wrong.

      You may not be handing them the knife, but you’re giving them another reason to use it.

      But I hope that the subtle difference helps you sleep at night.

  10. I would hope in the way I raise my children, they talk to me before resorting to such measures. Much like you were able to talk to your parents. I know what I believe is volatile to you. But I have had many conversations with friends who are homosexual and have more insight than you seem to think I do.
    I’ll agree to disagree with your lifestyle.

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