Hide Your Children, We Are Coming

I’m writing this a day early.  If the gay mafia kills me for coming forward and releasing this information, I left strict instructions with a friend to release this information in the case of my untimely demise because the public needs to know the truth.  The public must be made aware of this very real threat.  You hear about it on Fox News, your churches, and bath houses.  The truth that I am speaking about is “The Gay Agenda.”

Us gays have monthly meetings to discuss our current battle plan, how we are corrupting the media (specifically CNN and MSN News; Fox News currently is outside of our grasp, hence why it’s “fair and balanced”), and how we can convert as many young boys into our lifestyle.  Yes, you heard me right.  Hide your sons and daughters.  We are out to molest them, teach them lies about love, when all we want to do is to convert them into the fold and rape them.  In the ass.  It’s what us gays do, we have no shame or limits.

Heterosexuals will have no rights and will be used as cattle.  We will wipe most of you out and only keep a few of you alive and use you as a human farm, as we can not reproduce ourselves.  However, we will not zap you with cattle prods.  We will keep those for ourselves, as it’s quite difficult to play “Cowboy Ranch” without them.

We are also pushing legislation right now through the Senate and House in the United States to ban leggings in all of their various devilish incarnations (Jeggings are still not acceptable, sorry @SaraPlaysHouse).  That “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”repeal bill that was kicked to the side like a sick diseased dog?  It was just a smoke screen for the public.  Our real agenda was in a little known bill that was passed to outlaw leggings.  Silly, easily manipulated straighties.

Now that we have the stupidity out of the way.

For about as long as the “gay issue” has been thrust into the public eye, I’ve always heard about the “Gay Agenda.”  And, I’ll be honest, I have no idea what it is.  I’m pretty sure that it has to do with “The Gays” getting treated better than the heterosexuals of the world, but I could be wrong, as the people that throw the phrase around can’t really nail down a definite definition (side note, I’m super sure it also includes gay marriage, but I won’t tackle that topic until at a later date).  I also hear the arguments about how gays/transgenders/etc shouldn’t have specific hate crime legislation because, of course, this makes us special.

Yes, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy that law makers feel it’s necessary that they need to draft special legislation to help protect me and my partner from thugs to beat us within and inch of our lives just because we were walking down the street, holding hands.  Or they just listened to me talk because I.  Sound.  Super.  Duper.  Gay.

But I think I strayed from the topic slightly.  The Gay Agenda.

My partner Mike was talking to me about a recent trip to his parent’s house the other month.  I did not go, as I value my sanity and, at times, his family makes me want to drink a bottle of Drano for sweet, sweet relief.  So, apparently, at said family function, Mike was in another room when he heard his brother adamantly discussing “The Gay Agenda” with Mike’s father and a few other people that I don’t recall.  Apparently we are trying to destroy the very nature of heterosexual existence, soil the good name of marriage, and other devilish, diabolical nonsense.  So, Mike heard this and walked into the same room as them.  Oddly, they stopped talking when they saw Mike walk into the room.  Mike then informed them to continue with their conversation, as they don’t need to stop talking because he walked into the room.  I’m disappointed to report that they didn’t start up the conversation again.

I wish Mike would have been more direct in his approach.  I’m sure he was thrilled I wasn’t there and pipped in.  My pretty mouth tends to get me into trouble, as some days I forget to install my verbal filter.  I would have actually sat down with them and we would have discussed, together, the Gay Agenda.  I would have told them of our plot, the time line, and even discuss our weaknesses to assist them in thwarting our scheme.  And do you know why I would have done that?  To make them look and feel incredibly stupid.

There is no Gay Agenda, except one.  We just want to be treated the same as everyone else.  I guess that’s never screamed to me as a political or social agenda.  It’s just basic human rights.

Don’t we all deserve at least that?


4 responses to “Hide Your Children, We Are Coming

  1. You do deserve it. I just wish that people weren’t so ignorant. Hate is wrong, period. I will be voting for your rights, every chance I get.

  2. Hide yo kids, hide yo wife!

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